If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize