Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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