Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
