just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
