I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How's work?
Spinning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
