Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
