her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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