Ketchup is God's man juice
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
