some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
