Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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