hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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