I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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