Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
