I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
