Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
