Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
