I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
