Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
