New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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