I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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