You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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