Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
