the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
