Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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