You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
