My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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