So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize