The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
