my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
