I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
