I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
