Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize