i need an iv and a liver transplant
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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