Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
