i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
