We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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