fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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