you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
