Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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