I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
worst night to have a conscience
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
