I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize