Screwed.edu
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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