Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
