he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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