Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
