OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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