Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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