my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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