her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We named our party play list daddy issues
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
