Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
