You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
