I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
