I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
