I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
