ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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