that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
