Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
