I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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