i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
