I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
