i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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