I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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