the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
