she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fill condoms, not promises.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
