..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
