I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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