i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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