so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
