i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
