you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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