i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
