is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
