dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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