apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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