I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
